When I Am Queen
by nodumbbitch
Summary: Paris is gone and Jess has arrived with the care package... what'll happen next? There's the Rub with a twist (I suck at summaries)
1. A Deep Breath

_"WHEN I AM QUEEN"  
Installment # 1: "A Deep Breath"_

**Need I post a disclaimer? Just read one of my other stories.**

The doorbell rang and I was expecting it to be my Indian food. Paris had just left, and I finally had the night to myself.

I swung the door open and there was a young man, dark-haired and monosyllabic such as his uncle standing there. He was somewhat melancholy and broody, dark, with an air of mystery. "Boo," he said, standing up straight. He held a large box bearing the name of the diner on it.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him as sweetly as possible.

"Well, Lorelai's out of town. You can't fare for yourself. Luke sent a care package." Jess invited himself in, and I stepped aside. Why did I step aside?

"I can use a phone. I ordered Indian."

"Planning on burning the house down afterward?"

"This was supposed to be a night alone. What's with all the interruptions? Seriously. All I ask is to have a night alone where I can do laundry and eat food I normally wouldn't get to eat and be alone," I said overdramatically.

Jess set the box down on the kitchen table. He had a book tucked away in his back pocket, but I couldn't tell what it was. He turned to look at me, sizing me up. I looked over at the cardboard box sitting on my kitchen table. "That's a lot of food."

"Yes," Jess said blankly. "Enough for, say, twelve?"

"It's me we're talking about here."

"Six then."

"That's still a lot of food."

"Add me and we're down to three."

"Nobody ever said we were going to add you."

"C'mon. Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

"Why?"

"Because… I want to get out of the workzone. I have this terrible pounding headache and I'd like some peace and quiet."

"Then go to the bridge."

"Yes, but that's too quiet, I have no company, and no food."

"You could just take food and use the swans as company."

"Swans aren't people. And I generally don't get along with swans."

"And you generally get along with me?"

"Generally? Yes."

"Fine. Stay. Eat. But you will leave as soon as you have finished your meal."

"Fine." He pulled a chair out and sat down, rummaging through the care-package. "You weren't thinking this was an excuse just to see you, were you?"

"No."

"Because it wasn't."

"Okay," I said, confused. I took a bite of my hamburger and Jess started eating his fries. We ate in awkward silence until Jess began talking about the book he had in his back pocket. It was something by Kerouac. Our discussion became heated, going into Jane Austen, poetry, Beats. "How did The Fountainhead go, anyway? You never told me."

"I committed to it. I got through it. I made little or no sense of it, but I made it all the way through."

"Good boy. You deserve a bone."

"You did promise me you'd make it up to me," Jess said slyly, throwing me a look across the table. I could feel heat rising in my cheeks and I averted my gaze, playing with one of my fries.

Jess stood up to clear his plate at the exact same time I did, and our eyes met as the distance closed between us. I set my plate down on the table again and so did he. I couldn't rip my eyes away. The deep brown honey gaze of his eyes seemed antiquated like an experienced elderly man in a nursing home and yet like the rapidly moving pupils of a toddler taking in everything around him. His gaze permeated my brain and I was far less than an arm's length away.

I could feel him moving in. I could feel me moving in. I felt the urge to kiss him as though there was no tomorrow – and no Dean. Wait! I was about to kiss Jess! I wasn't attracted to Jess! I couldn't be attracted to Jess! I loved Dean and I always would love Dean. But the need to feel Jess's lips on mine was overwhelming.

His were warm when we finally met. Although it had only been a duration of seconds, it seemed like it had taken forever for him to grab me up and caress my lips in his.

I was lost. Jess had lost me. I had lost myself. Dean had lost me. I was, well, lost. I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe, I could only feel Jess as I kissed him, and as I allowed him to kiss me.

The phone rang shrilly and I jumped off him, eyes wide, bringing my fingers to my mouth. He bit his bottom lip in frustration, both of us holding back the urge to recapture the moment.

I was coming to me senses as I ran to the phone. Jess grabbed his jacket and stood in the archway.

"Hello," I said shakily into the receiver.

"Hey, Rory!"

"Dean, hi!" I replied, raising my eyebrows and turning to Jess, making desperate gestures to get him out of there.

"Guess where I am?"

"At home?"

"Nope. I thought I'd surprise you."

"But… Dean. I was supposed to have an alone night, remember?"

"Then I'll only stop by for a minute. Or less. I miss you Rory, c'mon."

"Dean… I'm a total mess. I don't even remotely resemble the Lorelai Leigh Gilmore you know, so maybe it would be best if you just didn't come."

"See you in a sec," Dean said, and the phone clicked off. I pulled it away from my ear and glared over at Jess. He shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, playfully as if saying 'Bring him on.'

"We have to get you out of here," I said to him, taking his arm and pulling him out the front door.

"Fine. I'm leaving. See me… leaving. Dean." Jess nodded to the taller of the two and Dean glared up at both of us.

"Dean! Hi. Uhm, Jess was just dropping off some food. Totally innocent. I swear. He was just leaving."

"Really?" said Dean quizzically as he walked slowly up the steps taking in the scene.

"Look, before you go all Frankenstein on my ass, how about you hear my side of the story?" Jess offered.

"When I want to hear your opinion, Jess… well, I'll never want to hear your opinion. I'm asking Rory what's going on, so why don't you just run on home."

"I really was just dropping off some food," Jess said as he walked off into the night. Dean looked at me, hurt. He stepped over the threshold of the house and walked into the kitchen.

"So, he was _just_ dropping off some food, huh Rory?"

"It's loud there. He wanted some peace and quiet and I offered to let him have a little of the food. I didn't want him to stay, he just looked so pathetic that I couldn't say no and there's a lot of food there anyway."

"Fine. Whatever."

"Please say you believe me?"

"Rory, what am I supposed to say? I don't believe you."

"What did you think was going to happen?" He just looked away. "Seriously, Dean, tell me what you think would've happened."

"Rory…"

"You don't trust me is that it?"

"Well, I don't trust…"

"Him. Nobody ever trusts him. He's not that bad of a guy. Honestly, I think some people just need to give him a break including you."

"Rory, what were you two doing in here?"

"Eating!"

"Please do not lie to me."

"I'm not lying, Dean! I wish you would just listen to me for a change, god. Jess doesn't even care about me and he listens to me a hell of a lot more than you do."

There was a loud noise and my cheek stung insanely. I bent over in pain, holding my hand gingerly to my jaw where a red mark was forming. I looked up at Dean in disbelief. At first, he looked very, very angry. And then, it faded into concern and then, in turn, his own disbelief. "Rory…" he reached out to help me, but I recoiled and tripped over my own legs, falling into the counter.

"Get… out…" I said warningly.

"Rory, please. I am so sorry. You have no idea. I didn't… I'm sorry."

"Dean. Just, do yourself a favour and get out."

"I don't know what came over me, Rory, I don't. I don't know what happened. Please, Rory…"

"Dean! I swear to god, if you do not leave this house right now I will call the cops or I will run to Babette's." He just looked at me in shock and disbelief and pain and sorrow. His eyes told volumes.

"I am truly sorry, Rory. I…" he saw my glare as I held my palm up to my bright red, stinging cheek and looked as though he was about to cry. Then, with one sad glance, he turned his back and walked out the front door.

I collapse onto my bed and let tears come pouring hot and wet down my cheeks, feeling the immense sting as the pooled where Dean had hit me.

Dean had hit me. Because of Jess.

And he was right. About Jess.

* * *

Installment #1 est fini.  
When I Am Queen - written and performed by Jack Off Jill, recorded on Clear Hearts Grey Flowers  
A Deep Breath - written and performed by Deadstar Assembly, recorded for Deadstar Assembly selftitled 


	2. Glamour Ghouls

"_WHEN I AM QUEEN"  
__Installment #2: "Glamour Ghouls"_

Lorelai was still looking at me quizzically about the fading mark on my cheek as we walked through the town, on our way to Luke's.

"You sure there weren't any bikers and lowlifes?" she asked me concerned. I rolled my eyes and nodded as we walked up the steps and she opened the door.

He was inside, wiping off a table. I knew that the moment I went in, I wouldn't be able to avoid him. I knew I couldn't go in, I just couldn't. I don't know why I hadn't thought of the facts that he a- worked and b- lived there. I turned to Lorelai still holding the door.

"Uhm, mom, I left something at home. I'll be back in a couple of minutes."

"Hiding a biker or a lowlife under your bed, I see. Well, go, I don't want to keep him waiting," my mother jested, still obviously concerned. I turned and she went in.

I wasn't sure where I was walking, but I was walking and there was nothing stopping me. I'd have to meet up with my mother sometime. She'd find me. Eventually she'd figure out that Dean had hit me and I'd have to explain everything to her. At the moment, I didn't want to talk to Dean, Jess, or my mother.

My feet carried me to the old bridge where I sat down, letting lose a breath I had held for the past several months. I hadn't sorted through it all yet. However, now Lorelai was back and I'd have to go on with my life accordingly. I stared down at my sad reflection in the water and wondered if I were drowning.

"Mind if I sit?" a voice came from behind me. Jess's head floated above mine on the water and I shook my head silently. He sat down beside me, his legs dangling over the edge, swinging like rag dolls. We sat in silence, both staring at the water.

I was tired of thinking about everything. I was tired of thinking about how I feel around Jess and Dean and Lorelai. I was sick and tired of it. I sighed and twisted my head to face Jess.

"I want… I want you to leave me alone." His expression was emotionless, but there was something happening on the inside. His eyes suddenly flared.

"Okay then," he whispered, not understanding, but pretending to.

"Starting now."

"Okay," he said again. I could see heat rising in him and he balled his fingers into a fist. "Why?"

"Because… you're dangerous for me."

"How? How am I dangerous for you? All I've done since I met you was treated you with more respect than I've ever treated anybody with and you want me to leave you alone because I'm dangerous for you?"

"I kissed you. I let you kiss me. I'm not sure who instigated the kiss, but it happened. And it can't again, okay? So just stay away from me and Dean and my mother."

"I can't stay away from you and your mother, you come into Luke's every day."

"Then go back to New York," I said harshly. The hurt was now completely visible on his face. I couldn't look at him anymore.

"Wow. So. I would not have pegged you to be someone like that, Rory." He got up angrily.

"Jess, wait," I got up after him and grabbed his hand.

"What do you think is going to happen? I have been stepping on eggshells around you ever since I met you, trying to respect your wishes and your feelings. And this is what I get? You tell me to go back to New York."

"You hate it here anyway! What the hell is your problem?"

"What the hell is _your_ problem, huh Gilmore? You have no right. No right whatsoever." He looked so angry and pained that it killed me inside. I felt tears well up and I let out a sob, falling into his arms. He was surprised but he stroked my back and sat us down. My legs were tucked under my body as he held me tightly, rocking me back and forth, stroking my back, telling me to shush.

I cried into his chest, entwining my fingers in his jacket and letting him hug me awkwardly. My tears were soaking his shirt and he just rocked me back and forth, telling me it would be okay, whatever it was. It just made me cry harder.

When I felt like I didn't have it in me to cry anymore, I pulled away a little bit so that our heads were level. I looked into his eyes and mine flickered to his lips and then back to his enticing gaze.

He leaned forward a little bit, waiting for my response. I was lost in his gaze and I responded his gesture, falling into the kiss. His hands, which were still on my back, pulled me closer to him, making attempts to deepen the kiss. It was like fire freezing in my veins. It was ecstasy being in his mouth and body and feeling the warmth of his torso emanating from beneath the thin cotton of his tee shirt.

I pulled away slowly, breathing heavily. He wiped a tear from my cheek and I smiled meekly at him. "Wanna tell me what's going on?" he asked, interested, allowing his hand to hold my chin gently. I turned away and refused to look him in the eye.

He just looked at me, caring more than I could've ever imagined. "I can't talk about it yet…" I stood up, leaving him sitting there, perplexed. "I have to meet my mom," I said self-consciously, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear. Jess just stared after me, completely confused.

As I walked, I clutched my arms to my body. I was walking home. Clearly, Lorelai would've left Luke's by now. I was gone more than a half an hour.

I walked heavily into the house and an inundation of thoughts broke into my brain. I kissed Jess. Again. Dean would find out somehow. He just knew about this, didn't he? But I couldn't break up with him. My heart wanted to but my head told me that there was still some scene to be played out here.

I sat down on the couch with a magazine and flipped through absent-mindedly. Someone rapped on the door, causing me to jump. Before opening it, I could tell it was a really tall figure.

"Dean."

"Hi, Rory. How was your day?"

"It's only a little bit past 11 o'clock in the morning. I haven't had much of a day yet."

"Talk to anyone interesting?"

"Nope."

"Nobody? Go anywhere interesting, such as, I don't know, the old bridge?" I looked up at him with horror. Hurt glistened in his eyes.

"You… saw me… at the bridge?"

"How long have you been lying to me, Rory? How long?" I just shook my head and he grabbed my arms, tightly. "Rory… how long have you been lying to me?" I sniffed and tried to free myself from his hands.

"Please let me go," I begged. He pushed me inside, still clinging on to my arms.

"How long?" he repeated. I just looked into his eyes, begging him to let me go. Tears welled up in my eyes and fell down my cheeks silently. "Answer me, bitch," he yelled, slapping me across the face. I fell to the ground, landing hard on my hand. Pain seared through my veins, bones, and tendons of my wrist. I heard a loud crack and let out a silent gasp. He turned me to face him, clutching my upper arms tightly. His fatal mistake was leaving my legs in between his.

My foot flew up hard, and he toppled over, clutching his crotch, groaning in pain. I took many sharp intakes of breath as I slithered to the kitchen, using the table leg as leverage to get up. I looked back as Dean was regrouping, and bolted out the back down.

"Babette! Babette!" I screamed and ran over to the neighbour's house, knocking on the door manically, but nobody was answering. I gave up as soon as Dean burst through the front door of the Gilmore house. I grasped my wrist with my one good hand and sprinted away as quickly as possible, running into town.

Ahead of me, I saw a familiar contemplative figure walking slowly down the road. "Jess! Jess, turn around!" I shouted to him. He did as I said and saw me limping at high paces towards him, clutching one of my wrists up to my chest.

"Rory, what the hell is going on?"

"Don't stop. Help me, please."

"I kind of have to stop to help you," he said, taking my arm, pulling me in the direction of Luke's. We burst through the door and that damnable bell rang, announcing our presence. Luke looked at the two of us wide eyed. Tears started streaming down my face, leaving stains. My eye was throbbing from when Dean had hit me and my nose was bleeding from the contact with the floor. I winced in pain as Jess pulled me up the stairs, Luke hot on our heels.

The workers weren't there at the moment, most likely on a break. Jess lay me down in his bed. I was quaking constantly in his arms as he pushed hair out of my face. "Luke, could you get a first-aid kit?" Luke nodded just out of line of my vision and disappeared down the stairs. "Lucky noone was in there, huh?" Jess joked, wiping blood from under my nose.

"Jess…"

"What happened?"

"He… saw us," I whispered hoarsely and Jess's eyes widened.

"What?"

"On the bridge. He knew something was up the other night and… he hit me. But he looked so sorry about it, I just had to… I dunno, forgive him. And then, today," I gulped and Jess held a finger to my lips. Luke arrived with the first aid kit.

"I called Lorelai. She's on her way." Jess nodded to Luke and I squeezed his hand tightly. He smiled forlornly down at me and got up slowly.

"I have to go somewhere," he whispered to Luke and Luke looked at him, confused.

"What happened here?"

"There was an accident. And the devil's going to pay." He stole a glance back at me and I looked at him pleadingly.

"Jess… don't. Stay, please." He just shook his head and went out the door. I sat up in the bed, wincing in pain, shouting after him. Luke just looked completely confused. I got up and ran out after him, shaking off the arm Luke had put out to stop me.

I caught up with Jess just outside the diner and pulled him over to me. "Jess, don't do this."

"Rory, he can't do this. Bastard deserves what's coming to him."

"Jess, let someone else handle this, please. I need you here." He sighed heavily. "Please?" He gave me a frustrated but caring look and turned back to the diner. I followed him inside and up the stairs.

"What the hell was that about, Jess? Rory?" Luke asked, annoyed.

"Sit down," Jess ordered to me lovingly. My hand parted from his and I sat down on the bed. He pulled out an ice pack and gave it to me. "For your eye." It was extremely cold and I could feel it burning my face.

"So, what is going on?" Luke asked impatiently when the door burst open.

"Oh my god. Rory, what happened?" Lorelai rushed to my side and hugged me tightly. I gasped in pain and she let me go. "Okay, we need to get you to the hospital. Come on." She took me in her arms and pulled me out of Luke's apartment, both males looking at us with mixed expressions playing across their faces.

Lorelai piled me into her car and we drove off to the hospital. I let the tears run freely now and Lorelai pulled over, holding me in a close embrace.

* * *

Installment #2 ended.  
Glamour Ghouls -written and performed by the World/Inferno Friendship Society for East Coast Super Sound Punk of Today


	3. Oh, Injury

"_WHEN I AM QUEEN"_

_Installment #3: "Oh, Injury"_

Images of Rory running, clutching her arm ran through my mind. I couldn't shake them. Dean, he boyfriend, who she presumably loved and who presumably loved her had broken her wrist, fractured her nose, given her a black eye and god knows what else. And she wanted me to just stand by and take it. I couldn't just stand by and take it. It pissed me off to no extent that she could just stand by and take it.

Was that why she had been crying on the bridge? Had he hit her before?

Was that the only reason she had kissed me? Because he had hit her, and she just needed to have someone care about her?

I hated Dean, and even if Rory was clinging to me because I was the only one around, I still thought he was a piece of shit.

I didn't know how Rory was doing in the hospital at this moment, and all I knew was that I wanted to behead the bastard who hurt her. I couldn't just sit around in my uncle's apartment steaming off, just wondering. I had to take action. And as much as I wanted to respect Rory's wishes, I couldn't just sit there.

I picked up my jacket and threw my arms in, pushing the door open furiously, only to spot uncle Luke standing there. "Where the hell are you going?"

"There's something I have to take care of," I said, emotionless, brushing past him. He grabbed my arm and turned me to face him.

"Do you know who did that to Rory?" I just looked at him, saying nothing either verbally or in my face. I just shook him off me and I walked down the stairs. "Jess! Jess, tell me or I swear to god…"

"You swear to god? You're an atheist. Look, Luke, I have to take care of something and if that gets in your way, just… leave me alone." I walked out of the diner and headed straight for the Forrester house, with Luke rushing after me.

"Jess, what the hell are you doing?"

"I told you, Uncle Luke, back off." I walked up the steps and rang the doorbell, and it took Luke about five seconds more to figure out who I was after.

"Jess, think ab… Dean? You're telling me that Dean did that to Rory?" I rolled my eyes.

"Hello?" Dean pulled the door back and his eyes narrowed the moment he saw me. I took him by the neck of his shirt and threw him to the ground.

"You're a sick bastard and you deserve to go to hell."

"What are you going on about?"

I kicked him in the gut and Luke pulled me off him before I could start in again. "You're a bastard, and you know it."

"Take yourself off the crazy pills, man. I have no clue what you're talking about."

"You did that to Rory. You fucked her up and you deserve the worst you can get."

"Okay, Testosterone Lad, going home now," Luke said in my ear, hold my arms in a tight clutch behind my back. I shook him off again and lunged at Dean, but this time he was ready for me and met my face with his fist, and vice versa. We both tumbled back, but because I was the more experienced, I recovered quickly and went for him again, pushing him into his house and into the wall of the foyer. He pushed me off and I lunged at him again, throwing punches madly. He clocked me right in the jaw and I kicked him where I knew it'd hurt.

Luke then pulled me off the falling Dean, yet again. I smiled disgustedly at the top of his head as he wretched on the ground. "You're a sick fucking bastard and you deserve the worst you can get," I said, emotionless.

"You… can have… her. A bit too breakable for my tastes," Dean whispered, spitting blood out of his mouth. I kicked him in the jaw as response and Luke looked like he was about to do the same.

"Jess, come on," he pulled me out of the house, and Dean flipped me the bird.

Luke pushed me in the door of the apartment, which was still open from earlier when I had gone storming out. "What the hell is your problem?"

"You saw what he did to Rory. You know he deserved it."

"Yes, he deserved it, but that's not the point. You weren't thinking and my god, he is a bastard." I rolled my eyes as if to say 'no duh.'

"Does Loreai know?"

"I would imagine Rory told her."

"Do you know why he… did… that?"

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and simply said, "Yes." Before sitting down. The workers had just started coming in again after their break.

"What happened to you?" Tom asked, pointing to my bloody jaw.

"He got in a fight," Luke said blatantly.

"Well, you're going to have to go somewhere else, we gotta work." I rolled my eyes and picked myself up, going down into the diner.

"So…" Luke said, coming after me.

"'So' what?" I asked innocently.

"Why did he beat up Rory?"

"Because he's an abusive bastard."

"I know Dean. Somewhat. And, though I admit I never liked the guy, I would never have expected this from him of all people. So, you know, and I want to."

"I kissed her. He saw," I said point-blank, walking out of the diner with Luke looking after me, perplexed.

* * *

Installment #3 finished.  
Oh, Injury - Written and performed by Rasputina for Frustration Plantation


	4. Under the Stairs

"_WHEN I AM QUEEN"  
__Installment #4: Under the Stairs_

The hospital had been terrible. My wrist was actually fractured in two places, although how you get that from falling, I don't know, really. My ankle was sprained from the running. I had a pretty bad black eye and my nose had a bruise, although I couldn't remember if I had actually broken anything in my facial area. At the moment, I didn't really care.

I just wanted to sleep and not have to move. My covers were pulled tightly over my body and the lights were out, but I couldn't stop thinking about everything. Lorelai was sitting in a chair across from my bed, trying not to sleep until I was. Strange, even when heavily drugged and both wanting and needing sleep, I couldn't get it. Everything was playing through my mind like a rabid moose on sugar pills.

That was the drugs talking.

I hear a slight tapping on the door, and Lorelai looks up. She rushes over to the door, and slips out. I hear talking and the two figures slide into my room. Lorelai rests her head against Christopher's shoulder and he strokes her hair. I am in a state of near sleep, but I'm still haunted by the images of Dean, leaning over me, seeming like he was ready to do worse than he did, and yet seeming so horrified with himself that he held back. I could only wonder what was going through his mind at the moment.

I could only wonder what was going through Jess's mind at the moment.

Eventually, I went into a deep and restless sleep, with Lorelai and Christopher watching over me until morning. When I woke up, the smell of really strong coffee filled the house and I could hear my parents talking in hushed voices in the kitchen. I could make out part of the conversation.

"So, you're saying her boyfriend did that to her?"

"Chris, calm down."

"I can't calm down! Rory doesn't deserve that. Oh, I swear to God I'm going to harm him."

"Its been taken care of. Dean's already gotten the crap beaten out of him once, I don't think he needs it again from Rory's father."

"Do we know why he did it?"

Lorelai paused, as if thinking, "She hasn't told me yet, but I have an idea."

I sighed and tried to move out of my comforter's death cling to the sides of my bed, but I seemed trapped. "Hey, can't a girl get some service around here?" It sounded like somebody jumped at my voice in the next room, and then Lorelai appeared in the doorway.

"Good morning sleepyhead. Are you feeling better at all?"

"Still groggy. My eye is throbbing though."

"Want some ice? Coffee? Anything?"

"Coffee would be good. And ice might help the throbbing."

"Coffee and ice coming up." When Lorelai disappeared into the kitchen, my father walked into my room and sat across from me.

"Rory, first off, I want to express my sorrow for you. What Dean did is unforgivable and inexcusable, and I don't want you to ever feel like you should have to have this happen to you. If you want, I can kick his ass."

"Dad, its okay. Don't kick Dean's ass, please? I'd just like to have him not be a part of my life anymore." An awkward silence. "What did Mom mean 'Its already been taken care of'?"

"I'm not sure, kiddo. You'd have to ask your mom. Actually, I'm pretty keen on what that means myself," he directed this last comment towards Lorelai who had just arrived in the doorway.

"Coffee for cast-girl and an ice pack for the eye. What are you keen on, Christopher?"

"He's wondering what you meant by 'It's already been taken care of'? How?"

Lorelai sighed, glared at Christopher, and turned to me. "Well, while we were in the hospital, Luke called. Apparently, Jess got up the urge to kill Dean, went to his house, and beat him up pretty badly. I'm very confused as to why Jess would beat up Dean. I mean, I know they don't like each other very much, and I know you and Jess are friends, and I know this is a very good excuse to beat up Dean, but I think I'm starting to understand his logic. The weird thing is, Luke was very vague about what actually happened, and apparently Jess knows why Dean went psycho on you, so spill. If Jess can know, we deserve to also."

"It's a lot more complicated than me just telling Jess and not telling you, Mom."

"Is it, now? It doesn't seem to…" Her face kind of dropped in surprise, as she understood the gist of what I was saying and she stopped and stared at me. My father just looked between the two of us, confusion written all over his face.

"Someone want to fill me in here?" he asked quickly.

"Rory… did you and Jess…" I nodded. "And Dean… saw?" I nodded again. I felt tears starting to run down my cheeks, burning. Lorelai rushed over to me and held my head in her arms, kissing my hair and rocking me. "Sh, it's okay. It's okay." We sat like that for a half hour at least. Chris had gotten up to get a box of tissues and some more coffee. After the crying had subsided, the room was filled with silence. "Rory?"

"Yeah, Mom?"

"What you did… it wasn't wrong, okay? You and Jess are attracted to each other, its kind of hard to avoid that particular outcome. And I know you're hormonal and you probably weren't thinking, and maybe you didn't even realize that you had feelings for him, but you should've thought about what would happen if anyone found out." This prompted more tears. Lorelai continued stroking my hair and Chris came over and hugged me carefully, but it was a bearhug.

"It'll all get better in a few days, okay honey? It'll get better soon, I promise," my mother whispered lovingly to me. My parents were just letting me cry until the drugs caught up to me again and I fell asleep in my mother's arms.

When I woke up again, it was night. Someone was in the kitchen, but again, I felt like I couldn't move. "Hello?" I called out. Chris appeared in the door.

"Hey, kiddo. Your mom's just out getting some food. You slept like a baby." He walked over and sat on the side of the bed. His hand reached up and smoothed my hair. "You're getting so old." He kissed my forehead and I smiled slightly. "How are you feeling?'

"I'm not so sure right at the moment."

"Well you haven't eaten all day, except for maybe a half cup of coffee this morning, and Lord knows, when a Gilmore doesn't eat in more than three hours, she's going to be a very impatient Gilmore girl."

"Indeed."

"Oh, some boy stopped by earlier to see how you were. I didn't let him in because I was being the protective father while your mom had to go to work, but he seemed really concerned."

"Dean?'

"No. If it had been Dean I would've kicked his ass all the way to China. No, this kid was shorter, moodier, monosyllabic."

"Jess."

"Ah, so this is the Jess I've been hearing about but haven't had any explanation about. He seems to mean well."

"He's probably just worried about me, that's all. What did you tell him?"

"That you were asleep and not in a state to have any visitors, so it would be best if he came back some other time."

"Thanks, Dad. I'm not sure if I can deal with Jess right now."

"Yeah, I understand. Well, not really considering I have no idea what you're going through or what significance Jess has to this scenario, but I'll just try to be empathetic."

Then, Lorelai must have burst through the door with food because she called out, "Hey, Chris, give me a hand here?" Chris patted my knee lovingly and then went off to help Lorelai.

"God, there's enough here to feed Iraq."

"Not quite that much. Maybe Indonesia. Unless there are more people in Indonesia, I don't really know." There was rustling in the next room as they placed food across the kitchen. "Rory, honey, can you move or do I need to service you?"

"I can move, but these comforters are like airtight packing."

"I'm on it," said Chris, and he moved in to help me out of bed. Lorelai smiled at me as he helped me into the kitchen.

"Oh, food! How I missed you!" I exclaimed.

"Dig in," Lorelai commanded as we three sat around the table, ready for some major Luke's binging.

"God, this is so much better than I remember. Did Luke start putting heaven in his burgers, because it definitely tastes like it." Lorelai and Chris laughed and continued eating.

For once, we felt like a family, despite the damage going on with everyone. No matter what the two argued about while I was passed out cold, I was the focus and it was nice. Although, I may have overeaten.

However, I could not stop thinking about Jess. I had to see him soon or I'd burst.

* * *

Installment four finished.

"Under the Stairs" - written and preformed by The Birthday Massacre for Nothing and Nowhere


	5. You and Whose Army

"_WHEN I AM QUEEN"  
__Installment #5: "You and Whose Army?"_

I sat on the couch, flipping through channels. I had a giant bowl of extremely buttery popcorn in my lap and Lorelai had covered me in about 12 blankets. She had to go to work, but Chris was still here, which made me feel somewhat safer. The drugs had worn off by now, considering it was two days later, and I was kind of wishing I still had them. My wrist felt like somebody had smashed it with a hammer, although it was nowhere near that bad, my eye wasn't so swelled up, but it still stung, and my nose felt like it was on fire.

However, all of that seemed feeble considering I was watching _Passions_. I had never bothered to watch _Passions_ or any soap opera before, but for some unknown reason, here I was, watching _Passions_. I blame the already-worn-off-after-effects of the drugs.

Life without school, friends, and mom was boring, let's face it.

"Hey kiddo, how're you feeling?"

"Fine, thanks." My father sat down in front of the couch and reached up to steal my popcorn.

"You are eating like a pregnant woman, my god. Is there salt, pepper, cheese, and extra butter on this stuff?"

"Don't avoid my needs, kind nurse. Now fetch me some hot dog which I can put on this."

"That's even more disgusting."

"That's why I said it."

"Can I have some more?"

"Be my guest. I thought you said it was disgusting."

"It is, but it's like drugs. Addicting, I tell ya."

The two of us sat there, staring at the television. I could tell that my father had no idea what to do in this situation. I didn't either, really.

Chris had passed out on the couch, and I sat on my bed. Mom was due home soon. I flipped through a book that Jess had recommended to me earlier when I heard a knock on the door. I got up, considering Chris was sound asleep in front of the TV, and went to the front door. The glass hid a blurry figure, and I pulled it open slowly. The figure smiled to her. "Hey, how're you feeling?"

"Good. What are you doing here?" He stepped inside, and I took a small step backwards. He had a light black eye and a little bit of a limp.

"I had to see you… I had to make sure you were okay," he whispered. I threw my arms around his waist and breathed in his scent. He stroked my back. "So, I take it you're okay."

"Yeah. I'm going back to school in a few days. Did you get into a fight?"

"Kind of."

"With Dean?"

"Kind of." Jess smirked down at me and I smiled shyly back.

"You didn't have to beat him up."

"Yes I did, Rory." He kissed me on the forehead, but my lips met his cautiously. It was a gentle kiss, and he pulled away slowly. "You're still not up to par. I'll let you rest."

"You don't have to leave yet."

"I think your dad's waking up," he said to the sound of Chris's groans.

"I suppose he is. You'd better get going then," I said. He kissed me quickly and went out the door. I stood, holding the door with my good hand, staring off at his back. Chris groaned and the floor creaked in that one spot where he got up.

"Who was that?"

"A friend," I said. "He just wanted to check on me."

"He? It wasn't the boy who did this to you, right?"

"No, it wasn't."

"Ah, so it was the other boy then."

"Yeah… the other boy." I closed the door and walked back to the couch, where I flopped down and picked up a book. The door opened again and then closed.

"Hello loving family, how are we this beautiful day?"

"Hi mom!" I called from my spot on the couch. She came into the room holding something behind her back. "How was work?"

"Work was good. What'd you two do all day?"

"I watched TV. He knocked himself out. Guess there's been a few too many late nights for this boy."

"I didn't pass out, I just… took a short nap. That's all," Chris said shyly. Lorelai smiled and I rolled my eyes. "What'cha got there?" He asked to take attention off him. Lorelai smiled and pulled a large bouquet of flowers – tulips, roses, daisies, etc. "They're for Rory," she said.

"Who're they from?"

"I'm pretty sure that they're from Jess. Somebody ordered them and sent them to the inn saying they're for you. There's a note, too." She handed me the bouquet. "I didn't read it. I would never breach your privacy like that," she said, winking. The note read – _Feel better soon. I miss you._ I looked at it carefully and winced. Lorelai looked at the horrified look on my face. "Oh, god," she murmured, rushing to my side and pulling me into a tight embrace.

"What's going on?" Chris asked helplessly.

"They're not from Jess," Lorelai replied rather blankly. She held me tightly and stroked my hair while I stared at the note. "It's okay. He isn't going to hurt you, okay? He's not going to hurt you. I won't let him - neither will Chris, Luke, or Jess. Understand?" I nodded slightly in her hold.

"Can I see the note?" Chris asked. I handed it to him and he spent about twenty minutes reading over it. Or at least that's what it seemed like. For once, I felt like he was being the strong, protective father figure he'd never been before. I knew he wanted to rip Dean in two pieces for doing anything to me at all, but this qualified as stalking in my book. Or it would if it would go any further at all.

"I was kind of hoping we could go to Luke's this afternoon, but if you want to stay in, it's okay." I nodded and stared at the flowers. I wished I had never met Dean and I wished he had never come to Stars Hollow. However, these wishes were in vain as clearly, he had come to Stars Hollow, and clearly, I had met him.

Have you ever felt so tired that your entire body ached, but the exhaustion was so bad you couldn't shut your eyes? That's how I felt. I just wanted everything to be over with so that I could go back to my normal life. I had already missed a few days of school. Pretty soon Chris was going to have to go back to Boston and the house would seem emptier. I didn't really want to think about anything anymore – I didn't want to think about what had happened, what was happening, or what was going to happen – I just felt like if I did, I would explode.

* * *

I'm sorry this took so long, but I had hit a wall with this story. I feel like this isn't a good chapter or a long enough chapter for all the wait you guys went through. I had no idea where to go with it, and this is where it went. This took me probably three months to complete mainly because of all the outside work I had, and plus I spent four weeks in another country, away from my beloved computer. So, please review, and I'll make sure the next chapter comes a lot quicker.


	6. Don't Let's Start

**When I Am Queen  
**_Installment #6: "Don't Let's Start"_

I awoke to my mother, once again, sleeping in the couchlike chair across from my bed. She was sound asleep, and I didn't really want to wake her. So I got up out of bed as quietly as I possibly could to get myself a pop tart and start some coffee for her. Of course, as soon as my foot hit the kitchen floor, Christopher came zooming past. "Hey, Rory. Wasn't sure if you'd be awake or not. I already started coffee. Here, pop tart?" he said, very quickly, shoving one at me. He seemed very eager to get as much time in with me as possible before he left. However, he woke Lorelai up. She was groaning and pushing her body to stand in my bedroom.

"What're you doing up, kid?" she asked me. I normally would've said "I'm not a kid," but I was far too tired. So instead I mumbled something about coffee and sat down at the kitchen table. Mom sat down next to me and pulled her chair to face mine. Chris sat on the other side of me, sipping at his coffee. Mom put her hand out and held my chin. I winced, trying to shrug her off, but she had a firm grip. "Your face looks better," she said plainly.

"Lore, I thought her face was always good."

"I meant her eye, Chris," Lorelai said. I smiled weakly, and she smailed back. "So, what's the plan for today?" she asked me.

I looked around the kitchen, and suddenly, I wanted to get out. I wanted to get away. I wanted to go as far away as I could, just leave, keep going off into the sunset. "I don't know... I was going to stay in today, I guess. I mean... after the flowers..." Mom squeezed my hand and made a clicking sound with her tongue, mixed with an "aw." She hugged me tightly, rocking me back and forth.

"This situation sucks, hun. But someday, you're going to have to leave the house and go back to school." I said nothing, and I didn't even return her hug. I just kind of stared blankly at the clock on the stove. Chris just sat there, drinking coffee. "I have to go to work again, but I'll see how early I can get out," she said, pulling away, smiling. And I'll talk Luke into sending supplies. "But first, I have to shower."

"Thank god," I said quietly. She scoffed and almost skipped up the stairs.

"Today's my last day here," Chris murmured, almost a whisper, as though this was the thought he had been pondering over his coffee.

"I know. I overheard you and mom talking last night," I muttered. He made an "oh" sound, and continued sipping his coffee. "I love you, you know that? And I don't like what this Dean guy is doing, but you have to move on, and get around it somehow. I know it'll take time, and I'm willing to help try, but I think that you can't just stay inside for the rest of your life because of what some kid does with his spare time." I stayed silent in my chair, looking at my feet. I wasn't wearing any socks. My feet felt cold. Then Chris said nothing, and he could tell I wasn't going to say anything, so he went over to the couch and picked up a newspaper, reading it. I bit my lip and went back to my room, shutting the door loudly behind me. I knew what I would do at that moment.

I pulled all my clothes off and put on some street clothes, plus my only black baggy hoodie that Lane had gotten me as a gag gift almost. I pulled the hood over my face and opened the window, making sure nobody would notice, and then hopping out. I felt like some hoodlum or hooligan about to vandalize something or other. I knew exactly where I was going.

The air was nice - inside the house it was stale and old. Outside it was fresh and demi-springy. I took a deep breath and walked as steadily as I could, with as few recognitions as possible. When I arrived at my chosen destination, I found exactly who would be there. The boy stood up, looking kind of panicked, but then he recognised me. "Hey," he said coolly, throwing his cigarette into the lake.

"I thought Luke took you off those," I said, sauntering up to him, smile on full blast. Little streams of red formed around his ears. "He did, didn't he?"

"Couldn't find my secret stash," he said, hiding a slight grin. "I guess I'm a stress smoker now."

"What're you stressed about?" I asked him, tucking his hair behind his ear. He hadn't gelled it up yet, it was too early in the morning. He looked away, biting his lip. I brought my hand back down to my side.

"I don't think you should be out yet," he said quietly. I knew he was grappling with his decision between telling me off and closing the distance between us. "I mean... Dean... the town... it's brutal out here, even if you're not... you." I sighed and crossed my arms over my chest. I didn't want another lecture, not from Jess. "Don't be mad at me, Rory. I'm just..."

"Worried?"

"Stressed. Because I'm trying not to worry, and it's not working. I want to be able to see you in public, I want to be able to see you without sneaking around, but it can't happen until things are better for you."

"Things are fine for me," I said bitterly, feeling anger welling in my chest. "Maybe I should've just stayed at home - all I was finding out here was another Lorelai." I turned away, and I could hear him giving in through the way he was breathing. He grabbed my arm lightly and pulled me into him, kissing me gently. I bit his lip - hard - to draw all the pain out of myself and channel it into him. I didn't want him to treat me like I was broken. So he didn't. He kissed me like he would've kissed some wild-and-high punk girl back in New York. He wrapped his hands around the back of my head inside my hood, tangling his fingers in my hair. I grabbed his belt loops and pulled him into me, which made him pause. I could feel everything that was happening to him then.

"Rory. Stop. Think. Is this what you really want?"

"Yes," I said plainly, rubbing up against him. He pulled himself away, and gave me a disapproving look.

"This isn't you. You don't want to move this fast, I know you. You have pain - I get that. But don't channel it out through me. That's not like the girl I fell for."

"The girl you fell for is dying, Jess."

"Well, I think it's time someone tried to revive her," he said under his breath before walking away, leaving me standing there, wondering what I was going to do. So I cried. Then I wiped tears off my cheeks and stopped. I sucked it up and went home. I just wanted to feel something, and maybe it was time to.

* * *

I am so sorry it took so long. I was completely roadblocked. But now, I won't be. I promise you, I will update it as much as I update all my other major in progress stories (i.e. Boy with the Backward Watch; Hero of the Story). I already have installment 7 partially written.


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